Far from the “tribe”: foreign mothers in Finland often face quiet loneliness
Immigrant mothers define loneliness in different ways. Isolation and silence are often part of it. PHOTO: ADOBE STOCK.
Flor Salazar Martinez
Published 22.04.2026 at 10:50
Satakieli interviewed 11 mothers with an immigrant background in the capital area who shared their experiences of loneliness while raising their kids. For some, loneliness meant the distance from familiar faces, their “tribe”. For others, the feeling sank slowly in the silence of an empty apartment or a playground where the connections with other moms felt out of reach.
All in all, loneliness is a complex and personal feeling that can affect individuals at any stage of their lives. This feeling might be caused or intensified by changes in one’s life, such as becoming a parent or migrating.
Far from the tribe
Esther Calaco Martím is a Spanish-born resident of Espoo. Four years ago she and her Finnish husband decided to get married and settle in Finland. For them, this was a logical decision.
“He had a better job, so we decided to make a life here,” Esther says.
Now she is a mother of a one-year-old.
According to Esther, for her, the feeling of loneliness is tied to the distance from what she calls her “tribe”. She experienced most of her pregnancy far from her family.
This physical separation from her family makes her feel equally distant from her culture. In Spain it is customary that the entire family visits the new parents after the birth of their child to celebrate it.
“In Mediterranean culture, you are used to being surrounded by people. There are uncles, cousins, grandparents and even neighbors involved.”
Esther also considers that motherhood itself carries inherent traits of loneliness.
“It’s a process with many confusing feelings and hormones. It becomes a personal process that is difficult to even explain to your partner. You start feeling lonely because you can’t explain it to others.”
Even if Esther had made acquaintances in Finland, she feels that she needs the support of her family and friends back home. She feels privileged that her home country is only four hours away by plane, yet with a newborn travelling is not an easy task.
Technology has somehow helped Esther to narrow the gap; she has relied on messaging and calls for confiding and advice.
In Finland, she has found support in the Doulas group “The nest” that helped her, for example, to understand the delivery process.
“It is not enough, but it is better than nothing.”
Forced to start over
Maria is originally from Nicaragua. She came to Finland three years ago as a political refugee alongside her now ex-husband.
“My country is going through a complex sociopolitical situation, and I was persecuted for speaking up against the regime.”
Due to these circumstances, Maria does not appear under her real name in this article.
According to Maria, the couple fled after receiving multiple death threats. At the time she was pregnant with her third child.
She is also a mother of two, a boy and a girl who stayed in Nicaragua.
“I did not have enough money and was pressured due to the urgency of my case. I had to leave them with my mother to protect them too.”
For Maria, the experience of loneliness is layered. It goes beyond not being surrounded by people but the separation from her children.
“Not being able to see them grow up and hug them in the important moments of their lives.”
Single parenthood is another aspect that weighs on her.
“After the baby was born, my partner left me and since then I have been alone.”
Last year was especially difficult in Maria’s life. Her mental health and physical health deteriorated after living the legal process of separation and the pressure of parenting alone. In her support group, Maria has friends and a social worker, who advised her to be in contact with a psychologist.
Medical services offered her sleeping pills to relieve her situation, but given that she is the sole carer, she refused to take them in fear of not being able to watch out for her baby.
“Arriving home and feeling the silence makes you see the loneliness. It is a silence that hurts.”
In her solitude she has learned to be strong even if it hurts, she says.
“A part of my heart will always be where my kids are.”
Lost in translation
Fulya Acikalin is from Turkey. She has been living in Finland for over three years. She says she has experienced loneliness living in Finland even with people around, because of cultural differences.
She has made friends, but she does not feel like these relationships are close enough to share her feelings about motherhood.
“We Turkish people feel our emotions deeply. If we are happy, we are going to start dancing out of nowhere or hugging each other, and no one would feel it is weird.”
According to Fulya, the lack of spontaneous interaction between strangers has made her feel isolated from others.
“I have been in a café with my kid, and I have tried to connect with the adults at the table next to ours and they have just replied with a polite smile. That is just the way they are culturally.”
A fragile safety net with exhaustion and silence
Mothers feel like they do not belong to their new context, hence the feeling of loneliness, says Nora Dadi. She works as family counsellor and planning officer at Familia Ry, an NGO specialized in providing support for multicultural families in Finland.
“A Finnish partner might have good intentions in connecting the spouse with a relative that is also a mother or by advising to join a Finnish majority mom group, but the cultural experience is different, and this could cause the foreign mother to feel disconnected.”
By cultural experience Dadi means that foreigners and Finns have different ways of creating social bonds guided by cultural background. In her opinion, foreign mothers are more likely to relate to other foreign mothers because of the shared experience of migration.
Dadi also noted that raising a child is an exhausting experience. In addition, many mothers with immigrant backgrounds do not have the luxury of time to learn the language and societal codes necessary to build new support networks. Navigating a new system operating in a new language adds another layer of stress. If both parents are foreigners, the situation worsens.
According to Dadi, loneliness affects mothers extensively. It can become a heavy burden that makes them feel vulnerable and disconnected from any protection system. New mothers are particularly at risk, she says.
While Finland offers structures designed to support families, according to Dadi, foreign families are still doubtful about its reliability.